Exit Interview

My exit interview has taken place at The Daily Cartoonist. Check it.

President Burka Abeam

I could go on all day about the problems with newspapers, journalism and cartooning. This photo appeared in the Daily News a few weeks ago and to me the caption sums up what's wrong with newspapers today.


"Federal prosecutors allege that Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, left, conspired to sell or trade the U.S. Senate office vacated by President-elect Burka Abeam to the highest bidder."


That's right folks, in less than a week the first black man ever to be elected president of these United States, BURKA HUSSIEN ABEAM will take the oath of office. And what a historic day it shall be! The Abeam presidency will spark confidence in troubled financial markets and shine the bright light of freedom on dark corners all around the globe!


Clearly, this is a case of Spell Check Gone Wild. The point is that there was no one to check this before it went to print. The entire chain of command has broken down at a newspaper when someone elected president has their name mangled so pathetically. "Abeam" is so far away from Obama...it's not even close. Not even the same neighborhood, ballpark or sleazy strip mall. And "Burka"....well, I'm sure we all love to hear the pleasant arabic sounding tones of that word. The quality of the newspaper product has suffered so severely that the damage is literally beyond repair.

Saying Goodbye

It was fitting, I thought, that this would be my last cartoon to appear in print for the Daily News. After eight horrendous years we finally bid farewell to the Bush/Cheney junta next week. They will leave office declaring themselves a total success, of course.


Subconsciously, I must have been drawing a self portrait here. Bush could be me, suitcase open, looking around wondering what to pack from the rubble. Like me, all the walls have crumbled, revealing the cold, wintery world outside. Perhaps the scowling Cheney in the corner is my own ego, wounded and bitter.


Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Freud famously said that "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Well, maybe sometimes "Cheney holding a shotgun is just Cheney holding a shotgun."

Layoffs Department

I was among many newsroom staffers laid off from my position at the LA Daily News on thursday. To be honest, I'm really surprised I lasted as long as I did. A staff editorial cartoonist is an expensive luxury in the small, feeble minds of corporate tightwads in newspaper front offices. After eight years of trouble-making The Suits decided they'd had enough.


All in all it was a good final day, I think. I said goodbye to the few newsroom staffers who are left at the paper and we had a nice lunch at the local pizza joint we've frequented over the years.


My trip to HR was uneventful. Got the forms in a sleek looking folder with Los Angeles Newspaper Group plastered on it. The woman who officially signed me out was nice enough. She had just returned from vacation. There was a stack of unemployment forms on her desk an inch thick. She gave me my severance check and I looked to see that the government had withheld nearly HALF in taxes. Uncle Sam always gets his. My portion probably paid for a toilet seat in Iraq or an hour massage for some pampered corporate executive with a big fat bailout.


Speaking of pampered corporate executives, it turns out Doug Hanes, the publisher of the Daily News, was laid off the day after I was. Finally! Someone who deserved it! After all he's done to destroy the newspaper I'm sure his severance package was a little better than mine.


After my trip to human resources I came upon the dumpy little man who has always wanted my head on a platter. He's one of The Dark Lords inside the company, reigning over his disintegrating fiefdom. "How are you doing?" he said as I walked by. "If there's anything I can do for you just let me know." If my hair and clothes were on fire and I was rolling on the floor screaming in pain and agony this guy would have watched with sadistic pleasure. I wanted to tell him that there wasn't anything a man like him could ever do for me. Someone who thinks it's intelligent to destroy other people's livelihoods could never be of any real service to humanity. I wanted to grab his double chin, put my knee into that fat tire around his old waist, slam him against the windows and scream at the top of my lungs "FUCKYOUMOTHERFUCKERCOCKSUCKERPIECEOFSHITASSFUCKWADPISSBITCHASS!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU COME NEAR ME OR MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN I WILL REIGN DOWN A SHITSTORM ON YOU!!!!!!!!!" Instead, I smiled pleasantly, looked him in the eye and said "Oh, and if there's anything I could ever do for you...."

The holidays come and go like whir. Then a real storm hits.

Let the shopping begin.

Orwell

Ahhh, Orwell. I think he is perhaps my favorite writer. Beyond "1984" and "Animal Farm" his best works are certainly his essays. A new collection has just re-published classics like "Shooting an Elephant" and "A Hanging." If you have the time by all means at least read these two fantastic essays.
After the long election season we now fade into the holidays and our cultural amnesia sets in. The collective memory fades into the dark months of winter leaving an empty void. Who was elected? What was that about? Change? George W. who? Economy, stupid? Huh? Whadidyasay?

#44

It's a new day in America.